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Monday, January 24, 2005

behaving 

ive been trying my best to behave lately. the last one was a breaker. i dont ever want that again. im in submissive mode big time and all he has to do is look at me. heck im treating everybody better. see youve got to know me, people look up to me because i "act" so hard and
i dont mind telling anybody how i feel, which is not right of course. and it is hard for any man to break me because i had a "dike" mentality before I got saved. but since ive met him all that is changing, ive never wanted to submit to any man but this one, i can do.

Monday, January 17, 2005

on the brink of a breakthrough 

man im almost there, my husband had been looking so sexy to me lately, i have been wanting to be a better wife just based on his actions. he is becoming a better person. he has been making me want to love him. i know our vows say to love him inspite of, but he has been making it easy for me so im going to accept that. now this doesnt mean that he is letting me run over him by any means, what it means is that he is not letting me run over him. i love it! who ever told guys that girls want them to give them everything they want. not true.. some things but not all things..
do you know that kids want discipline and structure more than anything from their parents.. if you dont discipline them, they think you dont love them and do what they want just to get attention.. kids love routine.. well, i dont have much juicy stuff today. i may have gotten a spanking since the last time we talked but i cant remember.. oh well..

Friday, January 07, 2005

mind changer 

Hi blog,
long time no see.
well doesnt mean i havent been staying out of trouble.
i did ok during christmas break. but then ole' PM power kicked in.
well R is not playing anymore. i got the spanking of life.
and he didnt leave one bruise..
i dont know if it is because i deserved it so much.
but not only can i not sit, i dont wanna walk either..
i guess the damage is internal.. but my attitude suddenly has a different twist to it.
go figure.
why, you ask oh blog.
because he feels that i have been talking to a man on the phone in an inappropriate way.
not true.
i talk to this man sometimes and he is cool. he is a friend of ours.
i have no physical attraction to him whatsoever.
but he reminds me of a good female friend. i dont believe in throwing friendships out.
but it looks like that is what is going to have to happen.


Wednesday, November 17, 2004

its been a good week 

we have been moving into our new home for the past few days. we have both been so elated that my attitude has been holding up preeetty well. nothing but playful spanks lately
and im quite alright with that, being that i can still sort of feel the pain from the last time.
and GOD IS GOOD. had to throw that in there. hopefully i can make it a full week without blowing it.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

I HATE IT!!!! 

I HATE THAT BELT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE IT!
I HATE IT!
I HATE IT!
I HATE IT!
I HATE IT!
DAMN!
I let my stupid mouth run away from me again. Needless to say I can hardly sit.
It was a rough night last night. Alot of talking, crying, swinging of the belt, and swinging of the hand. DAMMIT!!!
I don't know who I'm mad at more. myself, him, or that belt.




Tuesday, November 09, 2004

another day has gone by... 

no miracles have happened regarding my attitude and mouth. but in my mind (i dont know about my H's mind).
Im doin better.
He is still on his post ready to spank at the drop of a dime.
Which keeps me very alert. but i do still test the waters.
i believe i have gotten another small spanking since the last time i wrote.
i cant even remember what for, I have alot going on right now.
im a little stressed right now. so he has been taking it a bit (just a bit)
easy on me.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

optimistic day 

i'm feeling a little more optimistic today about changing.. it may be the moon or something but im actually thinking that i can make a change.
yes, P I am still sleeping on my side, and my bottom still hurts, which is a good thing, because
it is a reminder.
now i know i dont have the perfect attitude toward my H right now, but I'm getting there, it's not going to happen overnight, but it will happen soon a presume (or else, says the HOH)
so I will keep praying and keep trying...

i at least have to make it a couple of days, so my bum can rest.

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